Why I quit YouTube with 38k subscribers

What leaving YouTube with 38k subscribers taught me about alignment, reinvention, and choosing presence over performance.

When the pandemic hit, my job as a locum dentist quickly came to an end. Eight months without dentistry - the longest break I had since starting dental school. In that unexpected stillness, a buried dream of mine surfaced: starting a YouTube channel.

YouTube had been my escape during university. I watched creators between study sessions, marvelling at their creativity, yet never believing I could join their ranks. Who would listen to me? What did I have to offer? But with nowhere to be and nothing to lose, I decided to silence those doubts and hit record.

I had no expectations, no strategy, and absolutely no plan- just curiosity and a quiet inner voice urging me not to stand in my own way anymore.

What followed became one of the most transformative journeys of my life.

So it might sound strange that I've decided to walk away from it all. Not because I'm burnt out or because it didn't work.

But because the version of me who started this channel no longer fits the version of me I've grown into.

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When I pressed record on that first video, I was living alone in a new city, three years out of university, unsure of who I was beyond my professional title. I was insecure and deeply unfulfilled in my career as a dentist, searching for something more but not knowing what that "more" might be.

YouTube gave me so much.

First, the confidence. For nearly a decade, I'd watched creators from afar, admiring their work while thinking, "that could never be me." Yet suddenly there I was, challenging myself, putting my thoughts into the world, connecting with thousands of people who somehow found value in what I had to say. Through this process, I discovered my values, gained clarity in my thinking, and unearthed pieces of myself I hadn't realised were missing.

YouTube also gave me friendships. I had always struggled with making connections (my most popular video with over a million views is even on the topic of loneliness). I was drawn to YouTube because I loved the idea of being alone with my laptop, not needing anyone else. What I didn't expect was that YouTube would give me the opposite- friends who have changed my life forever.

And finally, it gave me a new career path. I left dentistry for opportunities I couldn't have planned. I joined a creative tech startup- working from home, traveling, creating for a living, and collaborating with people I respected.

I didn't even need a massive audience for any of this to happen.

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As my channel grew and opportunities expanded, I found myself facing an unexpected question: "is becoming a full-time YouTuber really what I want?"

I sat with this question for months, watching my subscriber count climb, seeing two videos pass 1 million views, and making my first five-figure month as a creator. Success, by conventional metrics. Yet something didn't feel aligned.

The answer, I realised, was no.

So much of what makes a successful full-time creator just isn't me. Packaging ideas to please the algorithm. The pressure to be seen and stay relevant. The impossible trade-off between living authentically and carefully documenting every moment for content.

I spoke with a creator who runs two channels: one with millions of subscribers and another with about 50,000. His smaller channel generated more income because he had a clear mission and built a business around it. His larger channel fluctuated monthly, entirely dependent on the algorithm's whims. My current channel requires the same, chasing views and metrics, and I knew I didn't want to spend my life at the mercy of an algorithm that profoundly affects how I feel about my own work.

But the main reason my answer was no? I realised that being a full-time creator would demand parts of myself I wasn't willing to sacrifice. I don't want to turn my daughter's childhood into content. I don't want to craft morning routines just to film them. I don't want to transform my life into content or make my experiences more "interesting" purely for views.

What I do want is presence, depth, and meaningful work I can build intentionally, and sustainably.

That's why I decided to start my own business: Smile Access Club.

Back in January, I returned to dentistry - not as a practising dentist, but as a founder with a mission to bring heart back into the industry that once left me disillusioned. Although it's an online business, it's rooted in community and connection. And I'm the most content I've ever been with my career.

My plan was to continue YouTube as a side project, a labor of love focused on my professional journey rather than my personal life.

But between running a business and being present for my daughter, I find I have little energy left for YouTube. And although I still want to create, it makes sense to use platforms that are less time-intensive (like Substack, LinkedIn and maybe even Tiktok).

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A few people have already said: "But you worked so hard on this and built an audience, how can you walk away?"

I understand the sentiment; I felt the same way when I left dentistry.

But as my journey has unfolded, I've learned we shouldn't remain tethered to paths that no longer feel aligned simply because they once made sense.

I believe in building lives that grow with us, not ones that hold us hostage to who we used to be. That’s how our experiences become a catalyst, not a cage.

But in order for that to happen, sometimes that means letting go, even when it's bittersweet.

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So here's to the chapter YouTube gave me: to the courage it helped me build, to the friendships that transformed my life, to the opportunities I never saw coming, and to the creative spark that showed me what was possible.

I'll never regret a single moment of this journey because I know with absolute certainty that I wouldn't have found the courage to start a business without the lessons and experiences that YouTube provided. This is why we shouldn't overthink our paths or worry too much about having everything figured out. Eventually, the dots connect in ways we could never have planned.

To everyone who ever watched a video, left a comment, or connected with me through my channel - thank you. You gave me more than I could ever properly express.

And if you're standing at your own crossroads right now, wondering whether it's okay to leave something good behind for something unknown, consider this your permission slip. Letting go isn’t giving up, it’s creating the space for you to evolve.

After all, how can you move forward if you're always holding on?